Thanksgiving with the H-G family circle

This contains every photo I took on Thanksgiving. Aren't they beautiful! It was a great day!

Thanksgiving with the H-G family

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A Mensch

Parenting is the most important and most challenging thing I've done in my life. I'm not done. It never ends. My children are grown, over 21, out of their parents' house ... and it's like a huge chunk of my heart is out there in the world, with each of them -- a piece of my heart that is vulnerable and out of my control.

Shannon's best friend, Misia, got married last Monday. It was the most amazing celebration I've been to, perhaps in my life. There was so much meaning behind every phase of this traditional Jewish wedding and reception ... I was grateful for the explanations Shannon was able to provide as we moved through the evening's festivities. And I was (no surprise) also overwhelmed by emotion at the open-hearted love and acceptance of my little girl (who is really a remarkable young woman, and not a little girl, at all) in this circle of people who knew she is not Jewish -- but also know that she has learned as much as she possibly can about the laws and traditions her childhood friend has embraced in her adult life.

A long time ago, struggling with things like sibling rivalry, discipline, and helping my daughters develop into people who had integrity, a sense of their own power and worthiness, and a sense of respect for others ... in one of the many books I poured over, I stumbled across a word that summarized all I hoped to accomplish as a parent: I wanted to raise a mensch.

I can't tell you how proud I was on Monday, when Shannon, recounting that someone in Misia's large gathering of family and friends for the wedding celebration -- many of whom thought she, too, was Jewish, because she knew so much and showed so much respect for the traditions and laws -- had told her she was ... she struggled to remember the word. It started with an "m," she said.... "A mensch?" I asked, tentatively. Her face lit up in recognition. "Yes! That was it! It means ... " It means you are a GOOD PERSON.

My daughters are GOOD PEOPLE. Mission accomplished.

Grateful for gathering with friends

At our most recent gathering, six of us were also original members of the group who participated in the Unitarian Universalist curriculum "Rise Up and Call Her Name," well over a decade ago.

I'm grateful for the wonderful women in this group ... new friends as well as those I've known from the beginning ... those who live close enough to attend our gatherings, as well as those who live far away and join us when they are able ... and those I never see anymore. Each of them holds a special place on the circle, and a special place in my heart.

Blessed be.

Ethan -- speechless!

Grateful for family fun

Renaissance Faire Fun

"Barely Balanced" -- "sharp knives and dull humans"

Just a still shot, this time

DSCF1021
Originally uploaded by Gerry Bergtrom

Trying to figure out the zoom capabilities of my new camera ... Gerry caught me again ... and helped me see the "zoom" dial at the top -- which I had entirely missed before!

Anything that moves!

DSCF1062
Originally uploaded by Gerry Bergtrom

Again, in love with my new camera and its video capabilities, Gerry caught this photo of me recording a belly dancing performance at the Duluth sidewalk sale street fair.

Taking video of Lake Superior with my new camera!

DSCF1024
Originally uploaded by Gerry Bergtrom

Thanks to my colleague, Gerry Bergtrom, who was at the D2L User Conference (Fusion 2007) with me in Duluth last week, I actually have access to a photo of me using my new camera. Here I am, fascinated with the ability to take MOVING PICTURES ... so I'm doing a video of water movement!

It takes so little to make me happy!

Oh! And ...

I'm also VERY grateful to my darling husband for getting me a birthday gift I will continue to use for years and years and years, which has already brought me untold joy and delight, and which made possible almost every picture in the previous post: a new camera with MEGA pixels, and GIGAbytes of USB storage. Thanks, also, to Shannon and Josh and Amy for camera cases, and extra battery! Wow! My cup runneth over! It's just what I've been "techno-lusting" after, and more!

For accomplishments, challenges, travel, and gifts

It's been a long time since I've posted to my gratitude journal. Sometimes, the "speed of life" prohibits stopping long enough to share ... even though I am mindful of my gratitudes, most of the time, I don't always get a chance to point them out to others.

So, here ... from the last month:

I'm grateful for another year ... a birthday for me, and one for John, and another year of being married to this man I love so much. Another year with our loving, beautiful, talented, and dearly-cherished daughters, as well.








I'm grateful for my kitty (Mack) cooperating with my psychic messages begging him to continue eating, despite our extended absence on vacation and my subsequent travel for a work-related conference. He's doing just fine, although he does tend to insist on his special food treats, and has enjoyed sleeping for the last three nights smack-dab on my chest!



I'm grateful for a successful Summer Assembly, and for the presence of mind, for whatever reason, of not accepting more responsibility for next year than I already had. And for time to spend with people I care about, but see only once a year. For time to "just be me," and relax, if only for moments at a time.












I'm grateful for the opportunity to travel to a new place with an adventurous companion who led me to meet Lake Superior again, after almost 30 years; and with a delightful coworker I only get to see a few times a year.









I'm grateful for the artistic talents of people I don't even know, but have the good fortune to meet occasionally at street fairs and art fairs, and those I will never meet whose works have brightened my waiting hours at the Duluth airport.







I'm grateful for the magic (science that I don't understand) that allows planes to fly, and therefore allows me to see the earth as the living organism she really is, and us as an infinitesimal part of her enormous awe-inspiring "being."





I'm grateful for the opportunity to practice loving detachment as my youngest angel tries her wings, and I hope we have established strong enough "roots" for her to feel confident that we are here for her, whatever her path.





And I am grateful for family time, enjoying silly things and laughter together. Making memories is much more important, I believe, than being practical.

Fill me with beauty, that I may bring others beauty

There's a chant I learned many years ago, that I find running through my head sometimes.

Sacred Corn Mother, come to me,
Make my way sacred, fill me with beauty.
Fill me with beauty, that I may bring others beauty.

Here's some of the beauty I was filled with today!~~~

Blessed be!

Reality Check

I've been trying to lose weight. But not trying very hard.

I've had a sore throat and some congestion in my chest, so I've been indulging in self-pity along with self-care.

I woke up at 5:30 this morning, thinking about how peeved I've been with committee work for our summer camp, how half-hearted have been my attempts to eat right, how much energy I've poured into nursing hurts and complaints.

The other reason I woke up at 5:30 is that I am haunted by yesterday's Oprah show. (http://www2.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/200706/tows_past_20070601.jhtml)

The woman who sat by the side of the road holding her decapitated daughter's head in her lap said that she didn't want to be this way, but what on earth can her friends or anyone say to her about a rough spot in their marriage or a hard day at work, or even parenting challenges. "Are they kidding me?" she said. She hears everyone saying it's been two years since the drunk driver crashed head-on into the limo she and her family were in, on their way home from her sister's wedding ... but for them, it doesn't seem like two years. The sentencing hearing for the drunk driver was just last month -- for them, time is different. This is fresh, and may never ever ever ever heal.

I thank every known and unknown power in the universe that my life is simple, uncomplicated, and untouched by the depth of grief and tragedy I witnessed in that family yesterday.

I resolve to stop whining, stop feeling sorry for myself, and step up to making my wonderful life even more wonderful by getting healthy and keeping things in perspective.

My life is good, and I am so thankful for it and every blessing in it ... especially the people.

Mother's Day Weekend #2

How lucky I am! Last weekend was the official Mother's Day, which was wonderful for me ... AND this weekend, I'm having an extended celebration because my daughters are now here!

I'm grateful Amy made it back from San Antonio safely, and was able to spend some time with us since she's returned.

Dinner on Friday night with Amy, Shannon and Josh, and John was delightful -- the food and the company were the best!

Saturday was sunny and warm, perfect for our first visit of the season to the West Allis Farmer's Market. We now have dahlias in the one garden spot we're certain we won't be re-landscaping -- and we got them into the ground before the temperature dropped 30 degrees and the sun went into hiding. Brrrr....

Another delightful experience: quite a long chat with our dear friends and neighbors. Somehow, winter tends to be the season when we just wave to each other as we rush into the warm house, no matter how much we'd like to linger and visit. This is one of my favorite reasons for warmer weather!

Kitties are snoozing, pancakes are browning, and we get another few hours with Shannon and Josh before they head back home.

Life is good.

Light and Shadows, and the ability to see

I almost walked right through this scene, hurrying to my car at the end of the day, without doing more than noticing -- but not really pausing to admire -- the artistic quality that had naturally occurred here.

The sun was shining, the air was crisp, and I'd been wishing for several days that I'd brought my camera to photograph the yellow and "black" tulips planted on the UWM campus, no doubt to echo the black and gold campus colors.

I didn't expect a masterpiece in grays.

I'm so grateful I had the camera with me, that I took the moments to snap these photos, and the delight I'm feeling at how they turned out.

Mostly, I'm grateful for whatever it is inside me that notices things like this, and urges me to pause, to truly take it in, and to experience it with delight, wonder and awe.

Reclaiming Morning

I woke up before 5 this morning. I laid in bed, wide awake, until 5:05, debating with myself.

I could lay there and hope to fall asleep again for about an hour, but why? There was Mack, comfortably resting on my legs ... I hated to disturb him ... he'd been SO good all night -- hadn't awakened me once! -- but he'd get over it if I got out of bed.

Getting up early would also mean rustling around and potentially disturbing John's last hour of sleep ... but it didn't sound as if he was sleeping right now, anyway.

My body wanted to move, my mind was completely rested ... and I've been wanting to MOVE more, use my body, feel better. WHY was I arguing with myself!?!?

I got up. I gathered my walking shoes, and enough clothes to keep me warm in the 50-something temperature of early morning.

I got dressed and gathered my digital camera, key to the house, reading glasses (so I could see what I was taking pictures of) and cell phone, just in case.

Then I headed out the door.

Wow. I'm so glad I did.

By the time I hit the pavement, it was light out. There was just the right amount of chill in the air to make fast-walking feel really good.

There were rain puddles, with the sky and trees reflected in them.

There were neighbors walking their dogs, people leaving their homes for work already, and the fresh clean smell of the newly-washed day.

A song wove through my thoughts, "Morning has broken, like the first morning ... Blackbird has spoken, like the first bird ...."


I'm grateful for a great start to a day filled with energy and joy.






... for knowing my neighborhood well enough and long enough to have very clear memories of the person who planted the two maple trees in this front yard -- these are Ian's trees, and he's come a long way from the precocious pre-teen he was when he nursed the seedlings from "weeds" to "trees" ...










... and I'm grateful that I acted on the urge to take an evening walk, as well ... there's something reassuring and homey about living in a neighborhood where it feels safe to walk alone after dark. I'm grateful for that luxury, too.



This is what grace and abundance are all about.

Being "heard"

I have been writing a lot lately. Most of it is really just reporting, nothing creative, except that an occasional turn of phrase makes me smile or laugh or get a little choked up -- because words affect me that way, and after all, they're words designed to convey MY thoughts and emotions, so if *I* don't "get it," who on earth *will*?

So I've enjoyed the experience of expressing myself through words, but I seldom have the opportunity to get direct feedback that tells me I've been heard. The electronic medium, for all it's "out in the world" and "public" characteristics, is a lonely place of you don't hear from anyone that they're actually reading what you've written.

And, to be honest, one of the joys of writing is knowing someone else has "heard" me. (Not necessarily AGREED, but at least "heard.")

Tonight, I am grateful to have been "heard" by by dear husband, John, who took a lot of time to read all the postings I've made at this blog, as well as all my Thinking Out Loud posts.

I used to worry, years ago, that someone would read my journals. Now I know that even the people I live with are simply too involved in their own lives and their own dramas to care enough to seek out and actually take the time to read anything I've written, unless I actually ask them to.

Thus far, John has been a willing reader when I've asked him. Amy has been, too, especially the posts about her friends. Shannon's read most of what I've written about our sick kitty (who is no longer SICK, thank goodness! yea!) -- but the poor girl is so busy with her studies and teaching and writing research papers and presentations, that reading her mother's blogs is hardly a recreational activity. I completely understand.

So it makes me that much more grateful for the time spent with John tonight, as he read my thoughts from weeks ago and yesterday, and for the feeling he "gets it," too.

Mother's Day Gratitude

For my children, without whom Mother's Day would have an entirely different meaning for me ---

Click to play | Make your own Smilebox

For my husband, without whom I would not know the joys or opportunities for growth that motherhood has presented to me in life --

Click to play | Make your own Smilebox

My sweet husband surprised me with a bountiful buffet brunch on Mother's Day, two dozen roses at just the right stage of bloom, and an evening at the Milwaukee Theater's production of the musical Chicago. What a wonderful man; what a beautiful day!

(By the way -- I'm also grateful for aluminum foil to cover the table where my roses are displayed, so the kitties don't tip it over or munch the leaves!)

To top it all off, one of the kitties I'm "mom" to also had a milestone - Mack (who has been very sick with hepatic lipidosis) was spotted twice eating the REGULAR cat food with his brothers. Hallelujah! No more worrying that he isn't eating anything if we don't lock him in the bedroom with his special foods! Life is truly returning to a joyous "normal."

For like-minded community and the pink glow of sunset

Tonight the world was washed with a pink glow, not only across the sky, but also across grass and pavement, houses and trees. It was really as if we were seeing the world through rose-colored glasses. Beautiful.

I'm grateful for rosiness, and the contrasting cerulean blue of the sky at sunset ...

for the leisure time to reflect upon the things I'm most grateful for, on this day ...

for fresh leeks and vidalia onions, celaric and hearty potatoes, a sweet potato and some corn for color -- and the scent of made-from-scratch soup that tastes as good as it smells ... I make good soup ...

for my husband's presence in my life, companion and friend and lover, whose being is distinct from -- yet deliciously entwined with mine ...

and for a like-minded community with whom to share the journey of exploration as we travel the path of the Eight Gates of Wisdom.

Grateful.

Working the Kinks Out

Last week Tuesday, I couldn't turn my head to check for traffic over my left shoulder, and I had to turn my entire body at my desk to talk to my colleague beside me. Now, I am pain free, and my shoulders are back down where they belong, instead of up around my ears.

I'm grateful for the patient, caring nature and strong, skilled hands of my massage therapist, Dawn, who has successfully pressed and prodded and stretched the kinks out of my neck and back. It hurts so good when she melts those knots away!

For two days, my house has been too quiet, too empty, as my darling husband has been out of town for a conference. Tonight, I'll sleep more soundly because he will sleep beside me. I'm grateful for his safe return.

I was not alone those two days John was gone, however. All my kitties were here, but Mack has been sleeping in our room so he can get to his bowl of Kitty Chow without Lucky or Reggie emptying it before Mack decides he's hungry. Last night, Mack was particularly sweet. I woke up several times to the awareness that he was curled up next to my pillow -- often, with his head resting on my forehead. He wasn't purring to be fed ... it was as if he just wanted to be next to me. Awwww....

Finally, I'm grateful for the opportunity to have fun writing with my friend, Sue. She has always delighted me with her wit and humor ... there is no one who tells a story the way she does. And now, we're blogging together. For a few chuckles from two crones, you'll find us at Belfry Cronicles (http://belfrycronicles.blogspot.com/), and for pet stories we'll be at Paws 4 Reflection (http://shrnmc.blogspot.com). Drop by anytime. Everyone's welcome!

Perfect Weather - Rainy Monday

Friday, Saturday, and Sunday were blissfully sunny and warm -- perfect for outdoor activities, as well as throwing open all the windows to circulate fresh air throughout the winter-stale house and invite kitties to windowsills for a bit of air and sun.

This morning, it was raining. How perfect can Monday weather be? Nothing to tempt me to play "hooky" and take an unscheduled vacation day, just to be IN the sunshine, birdsong, and sweet smell of newly-cut grass!

Here's to perfect weekends and rainy Mondays,

hyacinths that survived April snow,

daffodils and narcissus that bloom brilliantly on their bowed stems despite the April snow,

the luxury of a weekend-long "sleep over" -- time and space for old friends to catch up after 10 years,

kitties that are puddles of contented fur (even if one of them still has a plastic feeding tube attached),

and the peaceful quiet of a house that is home, complete with dust bunnies.

Grateful for Friends Who Name Dust Bunnies

My friend Sue is coming for the weekend. I haven't cleaned my house. I could have canceled, postponed, begged to change our plans. Or rushed home early to fix the mess before she sees it.

Instead, I wrote to apologize, ahead of time. I told her she gets to see my house the way we actually live in it, and my husband is probably mortified. She says she will feel better, knowing she's not the only one whose housekeeping is not the best, and that we can just name the dust bunnies and call them part of the family.

I wish I'd cleaned the house. But I'm grateful that I didn't need to, to feel okay about this visit.

Maybe I'm getting older and wiser. Maybe just lazy. Maybe I'm finally accepting that who I am is enough.

I'm grateful for "enough."

-----

And sunshine. More sunshine. Always grateful for sunshine.

Sunshine and well kitties.

Sunshine, well kitties, good friends who name dust bunnies, being "enough," and having "enough."

That'll do for now.

Grateful.

For Productive Work and Collegial Work Environment

1. I'm grateful to have meaningful work that I feel good doing, and work colleagues that are pleasant and caring.

2. Sunshine again. Sorry to be repetitive, but sunshine makes a BIG difference in my life. I don't think I could survive someplace like Seattle, for long!

3. People in my life that challenge me to be all I can, do what sings to my soul.

4. Meaning in my life.

5. Friends to share it with.

Peace

1. I'm grateful for another sunny day, and the time and space to enjoy it just the way I like -- quietly, in my own home, with kitties. And loudly, on a playground, with a 3-year-old who calls me Grandma.

2. I'm grateful for a few minutes when Amy is taking the 3-year-old back to the playground, so I have a moment to be online, and John has a few moments to nap. 3-year-olds and playgrounds can be tiring for Grampas, too.

3. Peace. The world may be at war, by my little corner is filled with sunshine and love today, and I am immensely grateful for the grace that allows this miracle.

Sunny Day

1. The 3.5" of snow that fell earlier in the week is almost totally gone, and the grass is so green!

2. The overly-blue fountain at UWM was already running today. The water is the color of a swimming pool, but it sounded so cheerful and was beautiful in the sun.

3. John and I went to lunch at Sala de Pranzo ... good minestrone, good pasta, good company.

4. I'm so relieved that Mack is better, and eating, and drinking ... I can't stop smiling.

5. Productive days at work!

6. Lots of good things in abundance in my life! Food, cuddly kitties, loving friends and family, wonderful spouse, comfort, and gratitude.

Kitten Chow!

Thus far, today, I'm grateful for:

1. Purina Kitten Chow -- which is what my sick cat, Mack, chose as his first ORAL intake in a L-O-N-G time ... about a month.

2. Friends, family, and colleagues who have been wonderfully supportive during Mack's illness. It's been a roller coaster ride of emotions and physical challenges ... not as huge as being the caretaker of small children or sick elders, but a challenge nonetheless. Sharing the ups and downs with caring others has certainly lightened the load.

3. Perspective -- which allows me to understand and appreciate that, in the grand scheme of things, a sick cat ... even a dying cat ... is only earth-shattering for a few of us.

4. Self awareness -- which allows me to understand and appreciate that I work best when I'm focused almost obsessively on an attainable goal, like giving my cat enough nutrition to survive until he will again eat enough on his own to survive and thrive. It's not as overwhelming as "save my cat's life," and not as discouraging as "save the world."

5. The jukebox in my head. Today's song is "Feelin' Groovy."